All’s fair in love, war, and joker cards

Sainik School Chronicles: Light-hearted scoops from life in the greatest institution I have ever been a part of.

 

Necessary background knowledge: In order to develop English-speaking skills of the junior cadets in our school, a system named as ‘Spoken cards’ was followed by the senior, appointed cadets. There would be about five spoken cards distributed among the juniors and those who hold them can pass them on to others whom they hear speaking in Malayalam. At some specified times of a day, all the Spoken card holders would meet the senior appointments who would then put them through a rigorous punishment session. Over time, the Spoken cards got their nick-name: ‘Joker cards’. Many of the batches that have studied in the school do not even know the original name of these Joker cards.

 

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Tempo (nick name) was among those eight-standard students who found it really hard to talk in English. He had studied in a Malayalam-medium school earlier and it was very difficult for him to learn subjects in English, let alone speak to friends in it, and that too in a fully residential system. His life became miserable after the Joker card system had been introduced.

 

One of those days, he was already in possession of four of the five joker cards in his house and had just completed his punishment routine along with Sabu (surname) who had the remaining one. He had been standing in the queue to the bathroom for the morning wash when Pushya (half the name) got in and kickstarted his singing-cum-bathing routine. After a minute or so, Tempo banged at the door a couple of times. Pushya stopped his song for a moment and then resumed. He banged on it again. “Who is it?”  He did not answer but banged on it once more. This time Pushya shouted out at him. Still he did not answer but continued banging.  Pushya opened the door a bit, looked out and saw Tempo. “@$!*#$%*” He shouted some obscenities and was about to close the door back when Tempo held out one of his Joker cards to him. Unfortunately, when it came to bad words, Pushya was yet to learn many in English. He looked at Tempo in disbelief and roared, “I will take this one but will make sure that I would pass this back only to you and by the end of the day today, you would take punishments for all the Joker cards in the house.”  Tempo was busy enjoying his relief to listen to him with respect. “Bet..?”, challenged Pushya. “Bet..?” again. This time he nodded affirmatively and then joined the queue to the next bathroom. The song had stopped but the bath would certainly take longer. And he knew how to win the bet: All he needs to do is to just keep his mouth shut till the evening.

 

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That afternoon, everyone was working in the gardens prior to the ‘Cleanliness’ inspection. Tempo was in charge of whitewashing the bricks and painting the tree-trunk bottoms. Now, unlike many of us, Tempo was a very sincere boy when it comes to carrying out his duties. Whenever possible, he even goes beyond their call. That particular evening was one of Tempo’s high-spirited ones, maybe because the number of Joker cards with him had come to a week-low figure of three. After inspecting a specific tree, he decided that mere painting would not serve the purpose and that it would be much better if it also looked symmetrical. He took a moment to visualize the intended structure of the tree, and planned his scheme. As the first step, he started to climb on a low-standing branch to cut an adjacent one down. First, he jumped up and caught hold of the branch. Then, stepping on the trunk, he began to move his legs up, step by step.

 

Sabu was watching Tempo keenly from the front garden, taking a break from his grass-slashing duties. The day was disappointing for him; it was more than a day since he had got the Joker card and till then, he could not pass it on. Tempo was not even opening his mouth. Sabu’s back was already paining with the front-rolls on the previous day. Moreover, if he was to take the punishments that day, he would have no spare vests for the next day morning P.T. That meant he would have to wash his clothes sometime after midnight and then dry them below the fans before dawn the next day, as the evening punishments would also mean no time for washing them then. Painting duties today meant fewer buckets available in the house to store water for the night. The tank was already drained for cleaning. Dirty vest would lead to more punishments and a possible restriction from the Games session. His head was beginning to ache.

 

Coming back to Tempo’s climb, that one taught him that there are two ways how a branch of a tree could break. First: ‘break.’ Second: ‘breeaaaaaaaaaaaakkk.’ The second kind is the one which gives you sufficient indications that it would break soon and gives ample time for you to move out of danger. Unfortunately, he encountered the first kind that day. The branch broke off suddenly without any warning, before he could pull his body up there. He fell down; bottom first, hands and legs up. “Ammaaeee…” he called out in pain. (Amma is the word for ‘Mother’ in Malayalam, as in many other languages). Sabu was the first person who came running to him.

 

Sabu reached across to Tempo and helped him up. Then, with a very satisfied smile, took the Joker card from his pocket and dropped it in his friend’s. Tempo was furious like never before. He already had three of the five cards and then this additional one; that too for just crying out an exclamation. Does an exclamation have a language? Surely, it did not. He wanted Sabu to take the card back but he would not budge. The argument between them got fiercer. Soon, everyone surrounded them. Many of them did not know what the whole issue was about. Seeing the crowd around them, Tempo decided to seek their support. It was all the more difficult for him to convey things in English as he was emotionally charged. With great difficulty he started explaining what had happened:

 

“See all…
uhh..? (..pause..)

One man climbing…

Uhhh…? (..pause..)

Up and down..

Uhh..? (..pause..)

Falling down… (..no pause..)

Calling mother… (..no pause..)

Giving Joker card…

Is it fair, is it fair..???”

 

Many did not understand what he was trying to tell. So he explained again with the help of some accompanying actions:

“One man climbing

Up and down… (pointing to the tree and acting out the climb with his hands)

Falling down… (pointing to the soiled backside of his vest)

Calling mother…

Giving Joker card…

Is it fair, is it fair..???”

 

Now, some seniors turned serious. ‘Calling mother..?’ they asked… (‘Calling mother’ could also mean calling bad words, especially if the phrase is translated to Malayalam.) Tempo quickly realized that there might be something wrong. So he made himself clear: “Calling Mother… Ammaeeee..” (again…!)

 

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Later, Pushya thanked the Gods that he was part of the crowd that gathered there because that was how he won the bet.